I wanted to die, live, and fight all at once, and I will proudly say that I have done all three. 

I died two and half years ago. A scene from a movie as I was ushered into a hallway, crisp white walls, nurses bustling about ( each stopping for a split second to stare at me with sadness or judgment), the smell of alcohol swabs reeked the air, and then the unusual sound of a man screaming.

A small door was open at the end of the hall and the man leading me stepped to the side to allow my entrance. My foot barely crossed the threshold when I heard the door across the hall fly open, the sound of the screaming man intensified, I turned, and there he was. My boyfriend, my best friend, my everything, lying on the floor like a rag doll, uncontrollably screaming and sobbing. He looked up, and quickly scrambled to his feet as I began to run toward him. I was stopped by the large man that was waiting for me to enter the room and my boyfriend stopped in his path by two nurses. Both of us struggling to touch, to embrace, I was yelling and thrashing about yelling out for my love, yelling out for answers, yelling out "what's wrong!", pleading for the man to release his tight hold on both of my arms.

I watched with horror as my boyfriend crumbled into a million pieces onto the floor, sobbing again as the man pulled me into that small, dark room, slamming the door shut. The last thing I heard through the sobbing and yelling was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't know! Please love me Robin, please love me". I sat down in the chair with the large man sitting in front of me, wiping beads of sweat that formed on his face, anxiously waiting for answers. When he turned his face toward mine and said "Robin, we need to test you for HIV", and I quit shaking , and I DIED. 

It took an entire year and a half, and a break up, for me to start living again. I began to feel alive myself and happiness started radiating from my pores. I was no longer bound to anything holding me back. I could do anything no matter what! 

NOW. That's what I live in today. It's been 2 1/2 years since my diagnosis and I'm going full throttle. I love my work, my family, and friends, and specially endeared towards the ones I call my angels that have been there since the beginning. I'm okay with being HIV positive because I finally realized it doesn't define who I am. Amazingly enough I've started finding my voice among the HIV world and get a strong sense of peace knowing that I can use my words to FIGHT. Helping people like me is important and I want HIV positive people to know my story and I want to learn theirs because we are not alone. All of us speaking with the same urgency of stereotypes and stigmas involved with having HIV/AIDS can and WILL make a difference. This is me, and what I want to know is: Who is with me? Who has died, who has lived, and who is willing to fight! 

By Robin Wood

It took me almost two years to find a sense of peace and happiness after my diagnosis, but that’s OKAY. When you are told that you are positive it feels as if the world comes to a complete and utter halt, everything starts moving in slow motion. For me, everything went red-a blur of tests, information, fear, sadness, anger, and nights of uncontrollable crying. You know what though, that was and is OKAY! I went through the "positive grieving" backwards. I threw myself into work, I went full force into what I needed to do to be healthy, and then I was so angry and disgusted that I couldn't even look at myself in a reflection, let alone an actual mirror. My boyfriend that gave me HIV, I couldn't stand the sight of him either. I had told one person, my boss, and he was the only one that I didn't feel viewed me as disgusting when I was around.

Then it was sadness and fear, those days were black. I felt like I couldn't connect with anybody, my only haven was ArCare-they understood. I couldn't live there though, I couldn't camp out in Dr. Moore's front yard just because I felt alone and he understood me. I HAD to find a way to my peace and happiness on my own. I couldn't live in red and black forever. I had to make my "weird" my new normal. So I did. I started reading up more, started asking questions on who to get in touch with, support groups, etc.

I recently worked on a fundraiser for the Magic Johnson foundation, and when I started doing that I started to find my inner peace. I can work and still make a difference in the HIV community. That void, that hole is beginning to go away. It takes time, and again that is OKAY! The people I have chosen to disclose my status to are wonderful, especially my mom. I don't think I could have moved forward without my support system.

What I found that gives me the most happiness is that I am opening myself up to a whole new network of people-people like me. There is no better feeling that being around strong, intelligent, healthy people that are HIV-positive. It gives me hope. We should be proud to be positive, because together we can have a voice that can be heard throughout the world.

We are at a time where we will see changes being made, and we can be a part of those changes and help make them happen. I am a strong, intelligent, determined, HEALTHY, woman. Guess what? I happen to have HIV, and that makes me stronger, this is who I am. My weird became my normal and I embrace it. I am empowered by my status and that fills me with happiness and joy. 

Robin Wood

As Chief Operating Officer of The Living Affected Corporation, I am proud of the continuing efforts that our organization has been doing in exploring training modules ranging from HIV testing and counseling to being certified for the D-UP HIV diffusion of innovation intervention. Facilitated by ETR (Education, Training, Research) Associates, Rafiki Rama Franklin, M.Ed. and Carnelius Quinn, CBA Specialist and Project Coordinator, staff members achieved graduate status after four intensive days (June 19-22, 2012) of working through the in depth understanding of the intervention. These modules will be apart of the foundation of the organizations emerging Black MSM group, Strilite, which will forge a course to further "message" within the Black community through social networks and friendship circles. The completion of these modules arrive at a critical time as more news has been released concerning a recent estimate by the Centers for Disease Control, that nearly half of all new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in the United States are in the states of Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Tennessee–the same region that is leading the nation in persons living with, and dying from, AIDS. The report shows 259 cases of HIV were reported in Arkansas in 2011. It also shows that HIV/AIDS is ravaging the U.S. South and that the crisis is no longer a metropolitan problem, but a home grown reality as well.
 
Based on that information and our own research, LA Corp has been steadfast in the stance that Arkansas's patchwork system of care is unprepared for the rising number of possible incidences, has refuted Governors Bebee position that "passing condoms in social venues such as bars" wasn't the best use of the taxpayer's dollars and have further issues with lack of energy being forwarded to social determinants such as "housing, employment, food, treatment and education," which are essential to the care continuum. Its LA Corp's position that dealing with individuals from an "holistic" approach is vital in the fight to deal with the disease from all angles and certainly from a community level intervention such as the D-Up program.

With the completion of these modules, this positions LA Corp with staffing that will be empowered with personal "one on one" in- home testing opportunities, expanding circulating harm reduction kits as well as positions individuals directly within friendship circles who have been educated and trained on the transmissions of HIV and AIDS. As apart of the core elements of the program, each newly trained facilitator will seek and identify opinion leaders within the at risk population, raise their awareness of how negative social and cultural factors impact Black MSM and teach the opinion leaders the elements of effective behavior change resulting in more condom usage. A innovative approach such as this has not been done in the state of Arkansas during the course of the disease and no other agency has pursued this target population with culturally appropriate material. 
 

As a sub-grantee of the Arkansas Department of Health,The Living Affected Corporation has been striving to offer as many prevention outlets possible including participating in outreach opportunities and most notably collaborations such as providing leadership in crafting the state's Comprehensive HIV/AIDS Plan that will serve as the official community jurisdictional piece regarding the impact of federal dollars extended to Arkansas for HIV and AIDS. The purpose of this multi-year plan is to assist grantees in the development of a comprehensive and responsive system of care that addresses needs and challenges as they change over time. The Comprehensive Plan is a "living document" that serves as a road map for grantees and should be continually updated as needed. The comprehensive plan should also reflect the community’s vision and values regarding how best to deliver HIV/AIDS services, particularly in the light of the cutbacks in federal, State and local resources. The Living Affected Corporation has lead the investigative team in researching and identifying caveats that will significantly address the President's National HIV/ AIDS Strategy which has three primary goals:
 
1) reducing the number of people who become infected with HIV,
2) increasing access to care and optimizing health outcomes for people living with HIV, and
3) reducing HIV-related health disparities.
 
The NHAS states that more must be done to ensure that new prevention methods are identified and that prevention resources are more strategically deployed. Further, the NHAS recognizes the importance of getting people with HIV into care early after infection to protect their health and reduce the potential of transmitting the virus to others. HIV disproportionately affects people who have less access to prevention and treatment services and, as a result, often have poorer health outcomes. Therefore, the NHAS advocates for the adoption of community-level approaches to reduce HIV infection in high-risk communities and reduce stigma and discrimination against people living with HIV. Through the D-Up intervention, LA Corp has embraced the concept of community level interventions that will be an effective tool to move our communities toward the international goal of zero infections as pronounced in December 2011 by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
 
Meanwhile Arkansas's policy makers must re-examine their commitment to this health dilemma and address many measures that could have an overall impact on HIV and AIDS in Arkansas. For instance the 2008 HIV/AIDS Task Force recommendations that sought 3 Million dollars over two years to establish counseling services and 15 HIV testing sites in black, Hispanic and other high-risk communities around the state. The report proposed an annual budget of $150,000 to hire two staff members to manage the services and to pay for overhead costs, such as office space, supplies and travel reimbursement. The task force said then that the testing and counseling sites would cost $975,000 annually. They also budgeted $225,000 annually for an HIV/AIDS awareness campaign. Yet despite the report being widely circulated to the Governor and both House and Senate leadership there was no action taken. Subsequently to that report,  another comprehensive report was prepared by the Harvard Law and Policy Clinic of Harvard Law School, entitled the SHARP report ( State Health Access Research Project) which again provided lawmakers a complete analysis of the successes, challenges and opportunities for improving health care access in Arkansas. Especially noting insufficient prevention resources being funded and the necessity of additional state funding being budgeted. Even though the report received wide distribution, as of 2012 only meager increments of change have occurred thus bringing us today with Arkansas being among 7 out of 10 states with the highest HIV/AIDS death rates are in the South.
 
Even more disturbing of the states statistics is also the continuing lack of a plan to approach the fact that at least 4,617 individuals are still not in care nor does the appear to be sufficient leadership in forming a strategy to providing a pathway to link this population to services. As cited in the SHARP report and LA Corp concurs that incidences such as this should be apart of the improved "communication and coordination among surveillance, epidemiology, and client services program staff, as well as better sharing data. Simply put, there must be better teamwork within ADH." Since the report was published improvements have been marginal at best but encouraging, however, the importance of serious day-to-day collection, monitoring and movement of data under the HIV/STD Hepatitis C section should be prioritize similar to at least seventy seven percent of other agencies nationwide. Its imperative that community based organizations such as LA Corp have reliable and accurate data it needs to design programs, evaluate quality and meet grant requirements, helping fulfilling our mission more efficiently and effectively. We challenge the Arkansas Department of Health to discern cumbersome rules, policies and regulations that often obstruct agencies while not allowing a system that is agile and capable of rapid respond times to problems that often preclude planning and follow through. It is our belief that such structuring will help improve effectiveness, coordination, and accountability, allowing us as an organization to maximize our use of limited resources.
 
Internally the organization is also drilling down on its organizational structure by beginning assessing its future through strategic development exercises via Mr. Damon Jackson, of the Damon Jackson Group which specializes in organizational management and development. Through this work, LA Corp has begun the process to retool, re-think and reposition it's strategies and time lines including a impending 5 year plan. Central to this growth has been redeploying its new mission and vision statements that clarify the groups forward momentum, relevance to the community and destination of becoming the premiere consumer driven organization in a Wellness Institute sphere. Currently we are seeking new board members to answer structural challenges and assist the organization in its mission to be a dynamic force with both innovative and future direct services. We have placed financial compliance and transparency at the top of our " to do" list of internal mechanism that propel the organization which included securing new credentialed financial experts to handle record keeping and filings.
 
Since assuming the responsibilities of position, I've come to believe that as an organization we have been undeterred from some stark realities that have faced the organization. Nevertheless, The Living Affected Corporation since its inception has persevered in providing prevention, education, advocacy in an effort to support the groups new bold and concise vision statement of "We are the statewide organization that is informed and connected to change the social construct of the community we serve by providing basic human rights."  Furthermore we reaffirmed our commitment of refocusing our mission statement which now reads: "Transforming communities through holistic health by providing education and advocacy."  To these means we move forward in our pursuit of building human capital while answering the call to help change the world around us. If you would like to join us in making a difference, you can donate through our website at www.livingaffected.org or call us 501.379.8203

For well over a  decade I silently and swiftly withdrew to the back of the room when the cameras appeared at any HIV function I was attending. Never-mind that moments before I had been an outspoken activist. I did not want my name to appear in any newspaper or magazine article.  I was quite adept at slipping off my name tag and disappearing before the TV camera could set up. Active in the HIV community since 1995 I was an invisible ghost to the "outside world" and determined to keep my secret from those that would hurt me and my family.

People are cruel and had said such terrible things like "the sins of the father are visited on the children." My dad was a wonderful man. How dare they slur him and hurt my mom like that because of me? The thought brought tears to my eyes.  I couldn't bear her losing her standing at church because of me. The fear of it crippled me for years. It was meeting other Positive women that also  lived with the stigma and sharing our private stories that made me realize we would live with stigma forever unless  we refused to tolerate it any longer.

The solution was banding together, then making it clear we are people by showing our faces,  and simply talking.

That was the way to end the stigma.  It would only take a few of us to start, and to make a difference, especially here in Arkansas, our home state, where people like me have felt the need to keep our Positive status a secret.  We believed we were trapped and must hide to protect ourselves. It is not true. There are more compassionate people out there than there are cruel, stupid jerks.  It just seems the other way around.

We can educate the ones that live under a rock and somehow missed the fact that lots of people live with HIV.   There are scads of people that know others all living with HIV.  It really is a small world after all.  People have just been afraid to talk about HIV and are waiting for the opportunity.

I'm traveling with women that wrote the book "Our Lives Our S.tories.” We wrote the book to fight stigma and have scheduled trips to talk about living with HIV. Turns out, it’s an much easier fight than we thought. In fact, no fight at all.  People are relieved to talk.   They've been waiting for a chance to ask questions and become more educated.   Do it in your community and life will get much easier!

It may help us find those more than 4,000 Positives that are not in care and get the funding we need to care for them. Our Legislatures need educating too.  We can make HIV a chronic illness, end stigma, and get the funding it deserves by simply talking  Openly.

No more hiding.   HIV is not a dirty little secret and nothing for which anyone should feel shame.   We Positives must adopt a matter-of- fact attitude and get the stigma-free treatment to which we are entitled. Tolerate no other reaction, as we would tolerate no discrimination towards us for our age, or our sex, or race!

If you are dealing with a stigma problem, get help. Talk to your leaders at HIV Arkansas, get on the AR HIV Consumer Advisory Board conference call,   talk to your case manger at AR Care or JCCSI. or others in the HIV Community.

There is help available.

Thirty years of hiding our status has fostered more stigma and discrimination and kept the epidemic growing. Its past time we stepped up and say, "we have nothing to hide." It’s time to end the stigma. When we end stigma, maybe we'll finally get everyone in care and end the epidemic.

I know its a difficult thing to do. It took me years. Ponder it. Talk about it with your Positive friends and your family. You can do it with support. You will make a difference when you begin to speak. Bless you in all that you do to help the Positive!

Last fall a couple of friends and I decided to try the annual Positive Cruise retreat trip to Aruba, Curacao and Princess Cay. It’s for HIV positive persons both gay and otherwise, about 200 gay men and approximately 30-50 “otherwise”. The “otherwise” mostly being heterosexual couples, but there were a few single straight folks as well. Certainly I had no idea if I’d even like being on a cruise of any kind, but being it was a group made up of and for positive folks it was quite nice indeed.

This year’s trip will be October 28th thru November 04 and leaves from Ft. Lauderdale Florida. Generally a trip of this magnitude (and price) is something I could only do every so often, however all in all I’d say for what was included it was very reasonable. This year I personally won’t be able to attend as I have other obligations. It is my observation this year’s trip will even be a bit less in price than last years. It’s something a few were booking at the last minute etc. however, I would recommend planning well in advance. If interested e-mail Paul at paul@cruisedesignstravel.com.

Also I wanted to recommend a new book I just was given by HIV Arkansas (thank you for sure). The title is “Our Lives, Our Story” which is a personal story given by 4 HIV Positive women from our state. I may have met all the women at one point in my advocacy work at different events; however I know Ann Dixon pretty well. She is someone who is an inspiration to all I know and I’m sure to women in particular. One thing I noticed was a statement made by one of the women in reference to how most HIV positive folks are gay men, and how that might have made her uneasy? Well I sure hope it didn’t because even though during the early years of the AIDS epidemic, it was primarily us gay guys infected… we are all in this together. I took no offense to the statement, but those who know me know this…I always speak my mind.

The book does do one really big thing that hopefully will lead others to share their “story”…and that is break down some stigma associated with an HIV diagnosis. I only hope it does so in a really BIG way!!! So congrats to these wonderful-powerful women and thanks to LA Corp and others involved in getting this important piece of literature out there for folks to read and learn from. Also thanks to those at HIV Arkansas for allowing me this platform of which to write and express my opinion and un-solicited advise. I would like to end by saying how fortunate I feel to be alive and fairly healthy after having HIV/AIDS since probably around 1984 (maybe even earlier). It’s not always easy but it beats the hell out of the alternative. Could not stop without also saying another “hello” and again another “thanks” to Mr. Bob Coffee…just for being you…advocate excellente’…peace…

Some older news and some new as well

There have been so many years that I have had HIV it seems like too long ago to remember life beforehand. Fortunately for me one of the important things about my particular “story” behind living with the situation is just that. I’m a long term survivor as the saying goes and was diagnosed in 1994. Almost certainly I was infected 10 years prior to that as I had very serious symptoms in 1994 and remember a lot of risk behavior even before 1981 when the first cases were in the USA.

Throughout the late 1990′s and through 2007 I was very involved with related politics, and many HIV/AIDS prevention programs and agencies. As a result of eventually being very burned out and somewhat disillusioned …upon moving to NW Arkansas, truly I kinda wanted to lay low and concentrate on taking care of myself and enjoying life. That has been accomplished to a big degree and most of the time because I’m on disability, I can do anything I’d like. As long as it’s legal (of course), my crazy days are long gone…thankfully.

So now-a-days I spend most of my free time doing the hobby I have had a passion for since I was maybe only a boy of 5 or 6 years. That is fishing, and I like most kinds of it I’ve ever tried but particularly trout fishing. Never been a very great fly-fisherman but like to spinner/lure fish and sometimes even stoop to using “bait”..(I hate that word!!). Surely I could go on about the fishing but that’s not really why I’m writing this article. HIV rates are increasing in my opinion, and statistics do seem to agree with me on that.

What I know about this is that this has continued to be the case even with all the information and education/prevention we have had for the past 15 plus years. Primary HIV prevention (counseling, testing, outreach with condom demonstrations, etc) has been only marginally effective at best. I worked doing prevention for 10 years at least so I know of what I speak. Certainly those measures should continue and particularly for young people, and science based sex education should be taught.

Another equally important form of prevention needs to be implemented as well. That method is a form of what has been referred to as “secondary prevention”. The only way a person can contract or catch HIV/AIDS is to do something “risky” with someone who has it already. So the key to the equation is a multiple approach effort. Also we now know someone who has HIV is much more likely to transmit the virus if they are not receiving HAART medications (not in care). The reason that is the case is because their viral load (the amount of virus in blood, semen, vaginal secretions, breast milk) is usually much higher. In Arkansas it’s estimated by some experts that only approximately  40% of the known HIV clients are in care. That means over half of everyone is potentially more contagious than need be.

Well I’m not the “sharpest razorblade in the package” but it does not take a science major to know that should not be the case. It’s a very complicated issue and certainly I know how stigma and discrimination makes it where so many are afraid and uncomfortable about an HIV positive status. There have been times where I was on the receiving end of that scenario, that’s not too nice of a place to be. However for those of you who are positive and are not in care..I ask you this, if not for yourself then please for your potential partners, get into care. If you are a friend or loved one of someone HIV positive who isn’t in care, lovingly remind the person doing so will only benefit all concerned.

Who knows you may in retrospect help that person add more years and better health to their life. Also it has been my personal observation that when we are trying to stay healthy, we feel better about ourselves too. All good indeed……….

Twice last week, I was challenged as to what was I doing, since I wasn’t even a “member” of the Arkansas Community Planning Group (CPG).

This is part of what we do to each other when we require a membership card to get inside.

Interestingly, I got my membership via an unknown person stamping my membership card by passing along HIV.

I certainly don’t need to fill out a form to become a member of HIV advocacy and interventions.

As an American, I hold the birth certificate to be a member of that group, I have served my country, and took an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States.   Though more than all of that, I am a concerned citizen, that still wonders WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, WHY, AND HOW…we Arkansans have to address the issue of 4,617 HIV positive Arkansans living without being IN CARE.

(In Care = not having at least basic HIV labs done within the past 12 month period)…  Without labs, doctors can’t tell what viral load, and cd4 (T-cell/helper cells) counts are.  Hence, they certainly can’t prescribe a medication regime to reduce viral load and increase cd4.

Who do we need to address this many Arkansans not in care?  The Arkansas Department of Health?  Been there done that.  Center for Disease Control (CDC)?  They have been included in the emails.

What do we have to do to get these Arkansans into CARE?  The Arkansas Department of Health knows to a person who these individuals are!

When are those who can do something to get these Arkansans IN CARE, going to take ACTION?  We have been highlighting this issue since at least May 2011.  To date, I am unaware of any ACTION.

Where do I, and others, truly concerned about having only 37 percent of the identified Arkansans living with HIV in care, have to go to get the over 4,000 Arkansans living with HIV NOT IN CARE…into treatment?  Is this something that Governor Beebe, or our US Representatives need to address through Health and Human Services channels?

Why hasn’t immediate ACTION been taken to get these Arkansans into care?  Is staffing failure an Arkansas Department of Health issue?  Is it a failure by the State Legislature to adequately fund health programs in Arkansas?  Is this one of those federal mandates that really isn’t willing to improve HIV treatment to ensure health and prevention…but they talk about it?

How do individuals “paid” to deal with this virus, continue to seemingly ignore the facts above, and not work to meet…at a minimum, the 85 percent in care standard set in national policy?  Additionally, when will someone step forward to ensure they don’t cash their checks until efforts are made to correct this health crisis.

Treatment is prevention.  Hence, to have this many folks outside of treatment is to ignore this prevention priority.

Who, what, when, where, why, and how do I have the right to speak out about this?

I am an HIV positive advocate that believes now is too late to not be providing adequate available treatment to Arkansans so that they don’t pass along HIV to others.

Maybe…just maybe…the folks who get paid to deal with HIV…should have their membership challenged?

Best, be safe, have fun, stay healthy and stress-free…God bless

America, the home of the free…True, or are we bound?

I have pondered this article for weeks.  What topic?  What is most important to those of us readers infected and/or impacted (affected), by HIV? I certainly can’t speak for every positive individual.  I’ve tried to represent…and can tell you, along with my other “active” advocates, aka activists, it is a lonely place. I thought of telling you about the over 4,000 HIV positive Arkansans NOT-IN-CARE.  Holding that figure against the 5,200 known Arkansans, living with HIV.  While this figure tears at my heart, and is totally unacceptable.  I am told that in America, we have the freedom to elect to die instead of live healthy productive lives.  So, with much sadness in my heart…I have to decide, to consider throwing up my hands, shedding tears for folks like my nephew, who elected not to stay in treatment…and are dead, and tell you good-bye. Or, do I tell you, that there are individuals that will help you, as limited as resources are, to get and stay in care?  That there are people that gather one day each month, for one hour, from their phones, and have an opportunity to “connect” with others infected and affected to identify priorities and make changes and adjustments with a goal of eradicating stigma, ensuring treatment, directing resources, and maybe…just maybe, getting more than a 37 percentage mark increased.  Maybe, just maybe, getting one more human, breathing, brother, sister, mom, dad, cousin, nephew, friend…into care and a healthier life. So with that all being said, here’s a plug for the Community Advisory Board, also known as CAB, which calls in toll free, (thanks to Bristol Myers Squib) at 1-866-217-3840, code 0024764#, each second Thursday of each month, at 11am – noon.  All infected and impacted are invited…which means all, everyone, anyone, you reading this, and the mom’s and dad’s.

Okay, that out of the way…we get to what some call politics…wait, wait, please don’t stop reading…  I’m not talking republicans or democrats of libertarians or vegans…I really don’t care.  This is America, be who you want to be.  I do care, when an arm of our government, given to public trust of health care…extends a carrot with one hand, and slaps with another. I speak about the friends we have at the Arkansas Department of Health, (ADH).  Make no mistake, I do say friends…and mean it with the same heartfelt message delivered above.  Though I have many friends in my life.  Some are liars, some are thieves, some are doctors, lawyers, (oh wait, I said that already…jk), and many are working at the ADH. When my friends that borrow and never return an item or money are around, I don’t leave my wallet of prescriptions around.  When my friends that can spin a verbal yarn are around, I nod and smile a lot.  When my friends at ADH tell me they need me…I wonder what is in it for them…versus, what are they doing for the positions of public trust that they hold, and get paid for.

Recently, they have again put themselves under the public microscope relating to the discretion of the Community Planning Group for HIV prevention, which I have encouraged y’all to be involved with.  Yes, this is the politics…if you speak up…have your vote…express your concerns, aspirations and needs…either directly, or through your representatives…that is politics…  Relating to policies that pertain to you and impact you, or someone you know and you care about.  I continue to “encourage” each of you to find your personal empowerment in life, in health, and in personal and public community.  Live like today is the – best day of your life. Stepping off of that soapbox, and onto another platform, I was honored to have the opportunity to share a time with young university and high school students in Pine Bluff.  The topic that they asked me to share was Living with HIV.

Now get this, an ole 59 year retired Air Force veteran, with a pension of almost three grand a month, who just recently got back from a cruise to the Caribbean, was suppose to chat it up with a group of youth, and tell them what it is like living with HIV?  My life is G R E A T! Not so for my nephew who decided that HIV/AIDS was too much for him to bear, was non-compliant, and died the day before my birthday of AIDS associated dementia and complications.  He had been diagnosed for about two years…and has not only me, a fervent HIV advocate, but a brother, that is positive and healthy and vibrant.  Yet his life with HIV was quite different…and there was nothing I could do about his choices. I was concerned that sad introduction, just would not tell a young person what it was like LIVING with HIV.  So I, a man with only a “land-line” phone, asked about cell phones.  I proceeded to advice the auditorium that they were at risk by raising their hand…and then asked a young college student in the front row for her cell phone. She gave it to me.  I took it. I handed it off to a friend on-stage who began “using” it. I advised the young lady, in front of everyone…that she would NOT be getting it back.

Gasp…from her, and the audience.  I took her cell phone!  How mean of me, how stupid of her?  All kinds of thoughts rushed through her mind, and her associates that filled most of the room.

Bang…”you just got HIV”, I told her.  You put yourself at risk in trusting me…and you no longer have a cell phone/your health.  “Ouch”, I reflected to her.  I truly empathized.  I asked her if she could go buy herself another.  She indicated, “no”.  I empathized with her, and told her I, with all my blessings, can’t buy my health back either.  But I assured her we would both live on.  Life had not stopped for either of us.

I pulled out my wallet, and asked her, “what if I bought you another phone?”  She replied that it wouldn’t be the same.  I understood, and listened to her heart that there were PEOPLE in that phone that would be lost.  I acknowledged that I understood…cause I lost people in my life due to losing my “health” to HIV.  But again, life goes on…and we would both live.  Just altered lives. I then asked the crowd, if they had sat next to someone that they knew.  Obviously, they had, just like when I was in school.  So I said, now give that person your cell phone.  OMG is I think the expression I would associate with the din that resulted.  No way.  I saw what you just did to her.  So my question to them was, “If you wouldn’t give someone you know your cell phone…why would you give them your body–your health?” I got feedback later, that they “got it”.

Reportedly, in line to be tested, a young lady was being “hit on” by a young man.  After a bit of youthful flirtation on both parts…the young lady looked at the young man and declared, and I bet you wanna borrow my “cell phone”!

Full circle…over 4000 HIV positive Arkansans are not in care.  Please do what you can to fix that.  The Arkansas Department of Health is filled with individuals paid to pay attention to more than just the numbers…they need to be held accountable to humanity.  We each have a responsibility to make our little part of the world a better place.

Live…Better in 2012 than in previous years~

With much thanks and respect…

Bob, Volunteer Advocate